You aren’t alone.
The first time I had sex with my ex-boyfriend, something
weird happened.
He got up when we were done to go and use the bathroom, and
I rolled over onto my side.
I should have been happy, the sex was good and the
relationship was brand new.
Instead, I felt overwhelmed with sadness and began to cry.
I got that in check pretty quickly, terrified that my
outburst would scare the dude off.
I didn’t think about those tears until it happened again
with my new boyfriend.
We were lying in bed after sex, and I felt the tears
starting to build.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I couldn’t help wonder.
It turns out that I’m not alone.
Many women report feeling deep sadness after having sex.
But if it’s so common, why do we never hear about women
feeling sad after sex, or even crying after having sex?
That silence stops now.
If we start a dialogue, we can stop the silence about
women’s bodies and sex.
With that in mind, here are four of the most common reasons
for feeling sad after sex.
1. PTSD can contribute to post-sex sadness.
Women who suffer from PTSD can experience sadness after
having sex, particularly if their PTSD was caused my sexual assault.
Memories of their assault can also flood them during sex,
triggering a fight or flight response.
They might burst into tears in the middle of sex with a
partner, not because they don’t want to be having sex, but because the act
itself has triggered memories of a traumatic event for them.
Every woman out there who wants one deserves to have a
happy, healthy, and awesome sex life.
Reclaiming that sex life after sexual assault is difficult,
but it isn’t impossible if you have the right support network.
Never be afraid to ask for the help you need to take back
your sense of self.
2. A condition called Post-Coital Dysphoria can cause a
post-sex depression hangover.
Post-coital dysphoria or post-coital depression is the
feeling of sadness, melancholy, anxiety, or agitation some women feel after
having totally consensual sex. It’s also sometimes called “tristesse”.
It can be a baffling feeling.
You’ve just had sex, with someone you like a lot or love,
and it was good.
But now it’s over and you’re curled up in a little ball in
your bed crying.
Talk about a boner killer.
But don’t worry!
You aren’t feeling this way because something is wrong.
What’s going on is actually a hormonal hangover.
During orgasm, your body explodes with a flood of hormones
including endorphins, oxytocin and prolactin.
When you feel sadness after sex overtake you, it’s because
your body’s hormone levels are regulating.
You’re not weird, you are having a totally natural reaction
to your body’s shifting chemical state, and you aren’t alone!
A study shows that up to 50% of women (THAT’S HALF OF US)
will experience PCD at least once in our lives.
If it’s causing a big problem and really inhibiting your
sexual satisfaction or relationships, talk to your doctor or a certified sex
therapist.
3. Disconnection can cause you to feel sad after you have
sex.
Another common reason for feeling sadness after sex is
because you feel disconnected from your partner emotionally.
Don’t let common stereotypes about women and sex fool you:
Not every woman needs to be emotionally connected to her
partner in order to have an orgasm.
But some women do. Sometimes those people (regardless of
gender) call themselves “demisexuals”, but it can be even simpler than an
actual sexual orientation.
When those women have sex with a partner and find themselves
not connecting emotionally, it can trigger some sadness or low-grade
depression.
If this sounds like you, please know there’s nothing wrong
with you.
Casual sex isn’t for everyone, and if finding a meaningful
emotional connection with a sex partner is what it takes for you to be happy
before during and after sex, then do it, and to heck with the haters.
4. Frustration can cause you to cry after sex, masquerading
as sadness.
For most of history, female orgasm was believed to be a
myth.
This combined with other stereotypes about women and sex
continue into today.
The effects this way of thinking has are serious and
pervasive.
Many women fake orgasms, or never have them at all
because they are too nervous or embarrassed to talk to their partner about how
best to meet their orgasmic needs.
If you feel sad after sex and you haven’t achieved orgasm,
your sadness could be due to straight up sexual frustration.
There’s an easy fix for this one:
Education.
If you don’t know what makes your body feel good, explore
your options with masturbation.
If you do know what makes your body feel good, share that
information with your partner.
Never apologize or suffer in silence for asking a partner to
help provide you with something that you need.
